The Cost of Obedience

 

 

You hear a million times about how it costs to follow Jesus. I wonder what I was thinking when I accepted that statement the first time. Did I really think all these were theoretical? It’s like I almost did not weigh the words or judge it rightly.

I did not take seriously the phrase “costs to follow Jesus”.  Most certainly it was through naivety and ignorance, but the idea still stands. I did not know what those words really meant. The version of me that went on about obedience to God did not have the ability to comprehend the depth of that phrase.  Granted I said those words with pure heart and with sincerity and meant it every time I told God I wanted to be obedient to Him. Walking through the experience of “obedience” and “costing to follow Jesus” is not so fun. If I were to paint a word image of it, it would look like banging on walls that are closing in. That’s why I wonder if Joseph yelled and screamed for hours when he was in the pit. Did he cry for hours too?

It would look like “the valley of the shadow of death” where death is ever calling me to meet and dine with it. I get it, it sounds wrong but it’s the reality of it all. Imagine having a conversation with God to the effect of “Hi, take me away like you did Moses”, but with more grit, desperation and agony. It would look like dejection and God’s word fighting every other night in your heart. It would also look like a deafening silence from God and then suddenly the words:

“Obedience through suffering[1]”

hitting you like a soft stream of water.

Gentle, yet stinging like alcohol on wound. When I become too bombarded with imaginations and thoughts that I need to take captive of[2], I thank God that He still directs my actions[3]. In the early hours of the morning, I’d have stumbled upon a YouTube video of a preacher speaking about a similar experience, I would have opened journals from years ago, listened to songs that speak to my spirit and even though my heart is bombarded with insults that both my soul and the devil torments me with, I have His sword[4] coming out of the pages of past journals where the Holy Spirit would have written to wage war and win against these thoughts. The Word of God truly is alive and breathing[5]. To think these were Words written years ago and yet waged war today.

In the suffering, you realise that “obedience” is not for your sake. Think of how Jesus suffered for God the Father. He did not obey for the sake of Himself. He did it to honour God. Is there really a greater love than someone doing something for someone else?

              “If you love me, obey my commands[6]”.

I’ll obey Him today. Hear me out, I resolved in the early hours of the morning that I’d have obeyed Him for the sake of completing tasks assigned to me. Yes, I’m still growing so depending on where you are in your maturity of your Christian walk, it may sound dramatic or wrong, but this is my experience. I remember a friend of mine a while ago talked about how “obedience was hard”. I thought to myself back then that I could not relate because my motivation of obeying Him was out of my love for Him. I see what she meant now. Walking it out “costs”.

When I told God I wanted an exit strategy, a way out of this world because of how useless and hopeless I felt, He told me that His word was not going to return void[7]. That He sent me out here, and that me, His words, will be fulfilled.

The Holy Spirit ever so gracious lead me to open the blueprint assignment from the Glory Unit from Holy Fire Training School, an assessment from a year ago. This is an excerpt from notes from class.

Stick to God’s plan rather than leaning on your own understanding.  Keep on going even when it looks bleak. Be faithful, stay the course.  There’s going to be many things that will try to get you off course. There’d be other ships that come along the way that say come here, or let’s go there. There’d be storms and you’d feel like exiting early. 

STAY ON THE COURSE no matter the storm or people calling. What is the course that the Lord wants you on? Even when it does not look wonderful at the time, stay faithful to God’s will. 

This section of notes really spoke to me. I know for the past few days, God had been speaking to me about staying on the path, and to keep at it. Here I was again, looking at the words “be faithful”, “stay the course”.

Another part of the notes that spoke to me was how each of us are responsible for our part. I’m thankful that God lead me to this YouTube video (someone I’ve never heard of), talking about how he was responsible for the tasks God told him, nothing more. It correlated well with content from the Glory Unit where we are not to imitate others on their walk or try to complete God’s calling on our lives in the flesh. That as part of the body of Christ our little part matters.

It helps a lot when you think of purpose holistically; not just your little purpose, but in the context of the grand scheme of things, looking at God’s purpose for the world, God’s purpose for the church and God’s purpose for you. It feels both like a weight is lifted off my shoulders but also a sense of responsibility in taking up your cross, being obedient and following Jesus.

Here's another excerpt from notes and assessment from Glory Unit.

           

God’s eternal purpose for the world –

·       the end of the age when the Word has reached every tribe and nation[8]. 

·       to be fruitful and multiply, inherit the earth (then to rule and reign) 

·       fellowship with God

God’s purpose for His people- 

·       to reach maturity and unity as in Ephesians

·       to reach that stature mentioned in Revelation- the city of God where He dwells.

 

God’s purpose for me –

·       ministry of reconciliation[9]

·       be a living sacrifice[10]/be a blessing  à to serve with humility (washing others' feet), obedience (like Jesus) and be motivated by God’s love

·       serve people God places in my life- whether it’s where I’m placed or where He sends me.

I would like to point out that God led me to these notes after I had asked Him to let me know why it was worth being alive, and that if He could give me a sense of purpose. The answer came immediately in the form of the above notes and for that I’m thankful.

The following is an excerpt from my journal when I was repenting of my hardened heart towards God. I share this for the purpose of encouraging anyone else learning to carry their cross.

 

Prayer of repentance:

 

I repent God for thinking following You came with entitlements, comfort, and self-preservation. I repent for thinking following You meant I could somehow still look good in the world or even keep my dignity. I repent.

I’m sorry for continuously asking for a way out. Now that I think about it, you said we won’t be tempted beyond what we can handle[11]. That would mean that You think I can pass the tests [redacted].

Please make me strong enough to never again ask You to shorten my life. Please strengthen my character to keep at it, even if I feel stuck or hopeless. Please change me. My circumstance may seem bleak but You’re also the person that suffered through and learnt obedience.

Jesus, You went through embarrassment, and pain of shame and crucifixion. I’m sorry for being so shallow that I only testified about how Good You were when times were not so tough. Please open my eyes to see that because your character does not change[12], You are Good even when my circumstance is trash. Please give me a heart that testifies of Your Goodness and really mean it, even in times when it’s tempting to curse myself. Please give me patience in this time when seeds are still growing their roots into the ground.

Please remind me of these phrases the next time I feel angry, hopeless or dejected:

‘FOLLOWING JESUS IS NOT EASY. FOLLOWING JESUS COMES WITH A COST. THE COST OF OBEDIENCE IS PAINFUL. BUT I WILL KEEP AT IT. ‘

To remember the Glory unit from Bible school about how I’m only responsible for my piece of the mosaic. But my small piece is critical. That I’m part of the body of Christ and I must not do any of the things I’m called to do in the flesh. My part is important and if I’m hurt or not doing my part, the whole body will be affected. I must be faithful in playing my part.

I suppose that’s what purpose means.

Thank You Jesus for answering my prayer within a few minutes.

I see the purpose of living now.

I once again apologise for my hardened and spoilt heart.

Please forgive me and help me grow in You.

In Jesus Name, Amen.